Hi friends-
I hope today finds you healthy and happy. If not, you’re in good company. I’m currently fighting off a summer bug that’s had me stuck in bed for several days. Between chugging water and binge-watching my favorite rom-coms, I’ve realized something about myself: I’m a little pathetic when I’m sick. I’ll admit it- I have a high tolerance for sickness in others, but when it’s me? Not so much. Do you get that way, too?
Being sick got me thinking about something we don’t talk about enough: medical anxiety. Working in hospice care, we often see the “worst case scenario.” The headache that turns out to be a brain tumor, or weakness that ends up being ALS. Over time, this skews my perspective. I start questioning every ache, every symptom, every twinge in my body. More than once I’ve caught myself spiraling into the “what ifs?”
Last year, I found a mole and was absolutely convinced it had to be skin cancer. Even after following all the ABCDE checks that Dr. Google swears by, I couldn’t shake the fear. I booked an appointment with my PCP, who referred me to a dermatologist. They biopsied it, confirmed it was harmless, and yet- I still couldn’t relax. The worry had already taken root.
Eventually, the anxiety and pain attacks led to a bigger conversation with my doctor. We decided medication would be the best step forward. And you know what? It helped. The edge has softened, but the struggle hasn’t disappeared.
This is the tension I live with: caring for patients with serious illnesses during the day, and trying not to convince myself I have the same ones at night. Sometimes, the anxiety still flares up. When it does, I lean on the basics- pausing, breathing, grounding myself, staying off google, and reaching out to my PCP when I need to. It’s not perfect, but it’s healthier than spiraling down another rabbit hole.
I share this because I know I’m not alone. If you’ve ever convinced yourself a headache must be a tumor, or that a rash must be life-threatening- you get it. Anxiety has a way of hijacking logic. But it doesn’t get the final say.
So here’s my reminder (for you and for me): it’s okay to ask for help, it’s okay to take medication if you need it, and it’s okay to give yourself grace in the process.
Feel free to leave a comment below- I’d love to know I’m not the only one who wrestles with this!